Pet Scan #8

Currently I am laying on my motel bed waiting for it to be closer to 9am to head to St Andrews hospital here in Toowoomba to have my latest scan.

I think to myself how many is that I’ve had cause i have woken on NSW time and have hours to wait, so start counting how many I’ve had since December 2019 and this will be my 8th scan.

You would think after having that many that i would be used to them, and to a certain degree i am. But the stress/worry you will hear those words again ‘your cancer has come back’ always plays over and over in the back of your head.

I have spent more time this year struggling with it all than i would like to admit. I think when you have a goal eg to get through surgery and regain strength in your arm/chest or get back to work or back riding your horses it keeps you going but when its more a mental game its harder and the goal posts keep moving. And those posts at times are determined but how your emotionally handling it all. And thanks to the hormone suppressing drugs they have me on (as my breast cancer feeds of hormones) they mess with your head.

You can start the day happy/smiling and loving life to a few hours later hating the world and crying non stop. Its such a mental game and if you allow it you will be consumed by it all….

How do i manage it ? Honestly some days I don’t know. But I find when I’m busy with work or my horses/photography I don’t have the ‘time’ to get emotional and overthink it all.

This leads me to the point that please never assume someone is doing ok because they seem to have their shit together… you never know what someone is dealing with that they will never ever show you. A few weeks back it was ‘Are you OK’ day and i personally think we all should check in on people more often, not just on a day dedicated to it. And when you do please be aware you may not get the answer you are expecting, DO NOT dismiss that person and say oh things will get better. Take the bloody time and make the effort to help them. You may be the only one they have allowed to see them vulnerable like that.

Kristy

When you pack your camera on your road trip for your PET scan and finally get a header in the paddock

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